Primary victims aren’t the only ones who suffer from abuse. Friends and family members of domestic violence victims are also trapped in a world of fear, concerned about the people they love and unable to stop the abuse.
Friends and family are not entirely helpless, however. There are things you can do to help an abuse victim.
- Believe her.
- Trust her to make the right choice. She knows her situation better than anyone, and if she chooses to stay with the abuser, she has reasons for doing that. Only she can know when she’s ready to leave.
- Stress safety. Help her create a safety plan for herself and the children. Make her aware that her computer and cell phone activity can be traced. Help her develop a signal, an escape route, or other plans of action to use in an emergency.
- Help her to understand that the abuse is not her fault. She does not deserve it and she does not bring it on herself. Abusers alone are responsible for the harm they do.
- Stay in touch. Abusers often isolate their victims from anyone who may support or help the victim. She may feel pressured to stop visiting or calling you. If that is the case, you can still visit or call her. Knowing that you are there can make all the difference in her efforts to end the abuse, even though she may not tell you so.
- DO NOT tell the victim what to do. Remember — she already has someone trying to control her thoughts and actions. What she needs from you is support and understanding.
- Protect yourself. Never go into a situation that you believe may be dangerous.
The more you know about the dynamics of domestic violence, the more you will be able to help. Your local DV shelter almost certainly has training for volunteers and they will probably be happy to let you participate even if you don’t want to join their volunteer program.
To find the shelter nearest you, call the National DV Hotline :
1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
Domestic violence is one small part of a greater culture of violence. If you want to make a difference, you can work to end all violence in whatever way is best suited to you — through donations, volunteering, or simply by eliminating violent acts and words from your own life.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent. ~ Salvor Hardin


