When Chris Brown beat Rhianna, many in the media started lumping this case together with Whitney Houston and Tina Turner. True, all three women are victims of domestic violence. Unfortunately, when the three black celebrities are mentioned in one breath, it suggests that victims of domestic violence are always black women — or that batterers are always black men.
So not true!
Domestic violence is an equal opportunity crime. Every culture, every ethnic and religious group reports DV assaults equally. I often hear people say that “it’s part of their culture — they just accept it” or “their religion makes it okay for men to beat women.”
Again, so not true. There is not a single valid religion or belief system that condones violence. Sadly, most cultures prefer to ignore violence against women because that’s easier for them than acknowledging they have flawed systems.
Domestic violence is everywhere. It’s all around you. The numbers say that 1 in 4 households experiences domestic violence on a regular basis. That’s a best estimate, of course, because not all incidents are reported. But here’s the thing — if there are 12 houses on your street …. well, do the math.
And before you console yourself with the notion that you don’t know anyone who is a victim or a perpetrator, remember — beating your spouse is not a spectator sport. The batterer doesn’t want it known because he (or she) is ashamed to admit that he (or she) can’t control his (or her) behavior. The victim’s reasons for keeping it hidden are numerous and complicated.
Then who, exactly, are the victims? Some of their names are listed on the website of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. Please visit the site and remember their names….
“Growing up in a small Alaska town, domestic violence was that dirty little secret nobody talked about. We must start talking about it. For too long, we have been providing protection to the wrong people.”
–Sen. Lisa Murkowski, Alaska
“A friend of mine was married to an assistant church pastor who regularly beat her up. He was smart ‑- he’d do it in a way that the bruises didn’t show. For the longest time, she dealt with it. Who would believe the minister was a wife beater?! Meanwhile, my friend ‑- an attorney! ‑- suffered in silence.”
–Rep. Carolyn Maloney, New York
Quotes from Marie Claire
